Once I made the decision to do sex work, the rest was fairly easy. At the time, Craigslist was a wide-open playing field for sex work of all kinds under the "Erotic Services" section. The only problem I really had was my inexperience and ignorance of the Atlanta market. I had no idea what I was worth as a whore. I didn't know anything about being a sex worker at all!
I placed an ad on Craigslist, specifically mentioning that it was my first time, and watched the emails pour in, one after the other. I didn't have any reason to pick the guy that I did, other than I had a good vibe off of our limited email interactions. We arranged to meet at the hotel where he was staying for work and we agreed on a price for my time - $100.00 but no penetration, only a hand job.
Thank you to Sex in the Public Square for giving me the space to write.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Julia B. Adams. Here's what you need to know in order to catch up with where I want to begin writing. I'm almost 40-years-old, I've been married for about 10 years and we have two daughters. In fact, I'm not all that different from my friends, peers, and colleagues - graduate degrees, careers, families, home life.
I have a confession to make. I'm not anything like them. Julia B. Adams is not my real name. I don't dare give you my real name because I've done something so bad that if others knew, I would risk damaging everything that matters to me: my family and my career. Some people would treat us very differently. People would condemn my husband, causing him to feel worse about this than he already does. Our daughters lives' would be changed forever. So what is this hideous crime? I had sex for money.
By my count, I've been out for 17 years, since late winter of 1993, when I began telling my family that I had a girlfriend, and that they would be meeting her at my college graduation. I suppose I'd been out to varying degrees before that (out to friends, out in class) but for me opening out my family was my first sense of "coming out." My family was very encouraging, and I felt very lucky to have come out in such supportive circumstances.
What I've learned over and over since then is that coming out is never over. This is true for a couple of different reasons. One is that we change and as we change we need to keep coming out. Another is that we continually meet new people who were not part of our lives during our initial coming out process and so we are always coming out to the new people in our lives.
I came out first as lesbian. I thought that I had left romantic and sexual relationships with men behind when I discovered my desire and love for women. Later I met a man who made me rethink that. I found myself deeply attracted to him despite his gender and realized that I'd created an artificial wall for myself between my ideas about gender and my ideas about sexual orientation. In terms of gender I was willing to accept a range of expression and a lack of anything more that socially constructed reality behind the discreet categories of "man" and "woman." Indeed in thinking about my own gender I much more often felt like someone who existed in the borderlands between gender categories than like someone who was entirely "woman". Yet, during my process of opening up sexually, I had kept a tight boundary around my sexual orientation, linking it only to women for a couple of years until this man caused me to reexamine my desires.