What Good is Sex Work?
Too often in discussions of sex work -- and sexuality in general -- it seems like we on the pro-sex side take on a defensive stance that inherently limits our success from the very beginning. One of the linchpins of many of our arguments is that using pornography or paying sex workers for their services doesn't hurt anyone, and is a private matter that's strictly between the people involved; so Gail Dines and Robert Jensen and Melissa Farley should just mind their own business and find some real battles to fight. And that's true, as far as it goes. But the flip side of that argument is that it concedes ground immediately because underneath the surface, there's the implication that these things should stay private because they are a little shady, and the best that can be said about them is that they don't hurt anyone else. By accepting that argument as our starting point, the best that we can ever do is maintain the status quo and not slip even deeper into the morass of puritan self-loathing that already drives our national obsessions about sex.
I think we can do better than that. I want to talk about what's good about pornography and prostitution and stripping and all the rest of it. I want us to be able to start out by talking about how our society will not only not become worse if pornography is easily available and the stigma is removed from prostitution, but will become a better and safer place to live. And how, in some ways, it already has.
For instance, I think that the goals of equality for women and the elimination of pornography are mutually exclusive. We simply cannot have a society that's sane and healthy about issues of gender and sexuality without creating a body of art devoted to eroticism. And more importantly, we need to build criticisms of pornography that go beyond "Porn is bad," or "Porn is good." Even the often stunted and banal pornography that we have now is swimming in ambiguity. For instance: if the power of art is to make us forge an empathic bond with fictional characters, then what is really happening inside a straight man's mind when he watches a "girl-girl" scene? Who is he achieving identification with? Without the ability to portray and discuss our desires frankly, we're doomed to be stuck in the same sinkhole of shame and self-loathing that breeds repression, misogyny, and homophobia. But right now, anti-porn feminists and religious fundamentalists won't even allow that building such a critique is valid. In their 'verse, the differences between Nina Hartley and Lizzie Borden are negligible at best. Discussion otherwise is off-limits. And so it has been for centuries, which is why I refer to people like Bob Jensen and Gail Dines as "so-called radical feminists." Because whatever else they are, they aren't radical by any understanding of the term that I have, and I refuse to let them corrupt that word with their foul-minded obsessions without a fight.
It's far more radical, I think, for us to say that the world will be a better place with more pornography, not less, and more open discussion about what it means to us without that slightly embarrassed cringing wink that we've all used when telling someone about the new porn site or video that we just checked out. We should be able to argue that not only does prostitution not necessarily cause harm to society at large, but can have net benefits as well. At the very least, going to a professional sex worker can create a safe space for people to explore new and perhaps intimidating sexual fantasies. It is much more radical to assert that lust isn't dehumanizing and that desire is healthy.
Most of our contributors here have more intimate experience with the day-to-day realities of sex work than I do, so I'll turn it over to others to fill in the details: in what ways, if any, do you think that sex work makes us better as a society?
Sex education
teachers
Interesting one there
Interesting one there Chris...and I do second Stacey's notion of sex workers as teachers, because they most certainly can be, in a variety of ways!
But hell, I might as well say it now...the porn that everyone is complaining about? Eh, that's the kind I both do and watch. And for both myself and a whole lot of people I've talked to who both do it and watch it-male and female- it's an outlet. Some people take their daily angst and rage and not so shiny happy feelings and put them into music, or art, or poetry, or sports. Some put it into sex. And in such cases, I think it is far preferable and yep, more healthy that they are doing it in a controlled environment with consenting adult people. They say art imitates life and all, and if porn is considered art, well, life isn't all roses and long walks on the beach and all.
And on a more general note, in many ways, sex work has made me a lot more comfortable when it comes to dealing with people in an every day sense. When you spend a lot of time naked around strangers, day to day interactions with folks all wearing clothes is a cakewalk :)
XXX Thoughts
I've been wanting to reply to this Ren, but I've been really busy. One of the hazards of working as co-founder of this site is that I often spend more time on the backend than doing the writing that's my real first love. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't trying to insult or diminish your work in mainstream porn. I complain verbosely and in detail about the tons and tons of shit that Hollywood regularly shovels onto the heads of the American public as well; scratch that curmudgeonly surface, and you find a really passionate lover of movies. Same with the porn thing. Porn, like anything else, is ruled first and foremost by Sturgeon's Law: "Ninety percent of everything is crap." I object less to the silicone and bleach jobs than I do to the simple lack of imagination and passion in most films. My great love for Belladonna's work comes from the fact that, although I'm not generally into assholes, she's so obviously into them, so passionate about a beautiful asshole, that you can't help but get swept up in her enthusiasm.
And your last point in that paragraph is one that needs to be made, and I think that that's the real value in porn. The intellectual and moral failure at the heart of the sex-negative movements on the left and right is that they accept the traditional idea of a dichotomy between male and female sexualities: men are insatiable and animalistic, with a rapist lurking just beneath; women's sexuality is sweet and soft, and lends itself to images of seashells, cotton-candy clouds, and long, soft sighs. That this sort of thing should be sold by feminists is particularly shameful, since the movement was launched by a desire to overthrow such false dichotomies. Reading the writings of some of the 19th-century feminists is really instructive; many of them were unspeakably radical for their time in terms of their attitudes toward sexuality and marriage, and probably would be thrown bodily from a meeting of NOW today. Even considering how much of modern porn is banal and mediocre, we would be impoverished by its loss, because it does serve to remind us how much variety there is in sexual desire and how the line between what women want and what men want isn't always so easy to distinguish, and often doesn't exist at all. Women's sexuality, like men's, can often be dark, and hungry, and ravenous, and violent. To say otherwise diminishes the humanity of both men and women, and diminishes sexuality. That's the real danger of pseudo-rads like Dines to me; in the end, they want us all to go quietly back into the same old cubbyholes.
No worries, I didn't take it
Exactly...
"Some people take their daily angst and rage and not so shiny happy feelings and put them into music, or art, or poetry, or sports. Some put it into sex. And in such cases, I think it is far preferable and yep, more healthy that they are doing it in a controlled environment with consenting adult people. They say art imitates life and all, and if porn is considered art, well, life isn't all roses and long walks on the beach and all."
Pleasure or relief or comfort or entertainment or anything else that one seeks out a sex worker for- all those things manifest themselves in a huge variety of ways. It is not as simple as the proper use of condoms. Sex workers are helping people experience life and helping minimize the risks that are potentially involved when novices (of all varieties) play.
Then, as Chris said, there are the elements of pleasure, communication, intimacy that sex workers are uniquely suited to educate people about.
Sex workers rock!!!
OH! And I almost
Freedom
Chris: I agree with you and yet must preface that until recently I couldn't look at porn sites without crinkling my eye and mind. But since then, at 62, I've found freedom sexually, mentally and physically, first through SexinthePublicSquare and then, armed with its messages, to a kink-dating website, which while probably not exactly classified as porn, is populated with male and female profiles flaunting penises and vaginas like prized awards and listing behaviors and desires people on most dating websites would be hesitant if not outright afraid to list in their profiles. But it's also populated by people trying to find others to please and please them. The only difference in my mind between that and seeking or being a prostitute is that no money passes hands. Men express freely what they seek and women do too. I've met men who want to be erotically tortured in sound, safe ways and I've found myself free to gleefully meet those needs while fulfilling mine. Through a vehicle I would have classified a year ago as blatant smut, disgusting exhibitionism and unfit for the web, I've found that many of the men and women don't just want to flaunt their flesh, they want to connect in all sorts of ways, that, for them are sane and responsible. It may not be a totally safe way to connect, but what way is. And isn't the exploration worth the risks? For me, yes It's allowed me to discover an important aspect of who I am and what I want without shame and has taught me, to paraphrase Stacey, "how to enjoy safe sex. I think that is a critical and effective contribution to pulic health." And to paraphrase and slightly alter your statement for my personal perspective, it ... doesn't hurt anyone, and is a private matter that's strictly between the people involved." I haven't paid sex workers, but I've payed for access to an alternative sex dating site. I feel I have gained more awareness of both men's and my own desires and I feel far less judgmental of men and far more sexualy alive than I've ever been." This website, and the free ways it lets us explore sexuality from all sorts of angles, has indeed been a godsend. Thanks guys.
Lady J
This is a great quote!
"...they want to connect in all sorts of ways, that, for them are sane and responsible. It may not be a totally safe way to connect, but what way is. And isn't the exploration worth the risks? For me, yes It's allowed me to discover an important aspect of who I am and what I want without shame..."
Thanks so much for sharing your story here Lady J! I think finding space to sommunicate about sexuality is what opens the door to making interactions of all sorts safer. In fact, I think sex workers are uniquely skilled at staying safe while meeting people on the web. Amanda Brooks did a workshop related to safety and privacy on the web at the Desiree Alliance conference in 2007. We could do an entire forum on safe web-dating for all genders!
I'm so happy that you found Sex in the Public Square and that it helped you on your journey! I hope you're having lots of fun!
privacy
"But the flip side of that argument is that it concedes ground immediately because underneath the surface, there's the implication that these things should stay private because they are a little shady, and the best that can be said about them is that they don't hurt anyone else."
I disagree that this is the flip side of the argument. I very rarely directly discuss my sex life in public. Not because it's shady but because what happens in my bedroom is between my partner and I. (This is a big reason why I don't like escort reviews.) There doesn't need to be full disclosure on something that happens between two or more people behind closed doors. There's a lot of dignity in allowing sex workers and their clients some privacy.
To me, privacy is protective and should be a fundamental right.
XX
privacy, yes, but...
"There doesn't need to be full disclosure on something that happens between two or more people behind closed doors. There's a lot of dignity in allowing sex workers and their clients some privacy."
Amanda, I don't disagree w/ you that sex workers and their clients should be allowed some privacy. Everyone should! But I think maybe there are two definitios of privacy going on here. I read Chris as saying that the assumption is that talking about one's sex life is BAD and WRONG - and that sex is only okay as long as it stays totally private.
E.g., when you say: "There doesn't need to be full disclosure on something that happens between two or more people behind closed doors." - my ears perk up a little because I see how that could easily be interpreted as "There shouldn't be full disclosure..."
Personally, I like talkikng about sex. It's probably my second favorite thing next to actually doing it. I like to talk about all the down and dirty details, and I don't like being told that I can't or shouldn't do talk about my life however I want. (Not saying that's what you were doing; just saying that a lot of people DO hold that view.)
Oh, and...
I'll stick with "there
I'll stick with "there doesn't need to be." I realize some people are much more comfortable with being open than I am. Complete openess should not be forced on those who don't wish it, nor should silence be forced on those who don't want it.
Chris's post made me realize that discretion could be taken quite the wrong way. But I don't like the idea that sex workers must be completely open to analyzation and probing just to make others comfortable with sex work. I want to make sure readers realize allowing personal privacy allows sex workers the right of disclosure.
XX
Yes!
"But I don't like the idea that sex workers must be completely open to analyzation and probing just to make others comfortable with sex work. I want to make sure readers realize allowing personal privacy allows sex workers the right of disclosure."
Absolutely agree. I think it all comes back to everyone being able to decide for themselves what and how much to reveal. That should be a basic right for anyone.
Well... isn't discretion
Well... isn't discretion sort of a mainstay of the industry? How do sex workers negotiate those boundaries while working for reform?
I totally hear what Amber is saying about the two different perspectives of privacy. I've found that in all situations, personal, private, public, political, etc it is always best to let people tell their own stories.
The angle that I think Chris is addressing is that the way that we/society/whoever responds to public diiscussion of a sexual nature is so often negative- so how are we going to address that fundamental issue?
How do we respond to other people's public statements about sexuality (I'm guessing there's probably a lot of disagreement on this board about that question, but generally speaking...) it seems important on a personal level to be conscious of our own reactions and sensitive to the privacy of others all at the same time. I don't think these concepts are mutually exclusive...
Framing Good
Returning to the original question, will require one to answer the additional question as to what perspective you are using to frame the question, e.g. a societal frame, the provider's, or the consumers?
I agree that too often this question is approached defensively. One obvious frame is economical. An examination of marketing of sex work reveals that this is big business. From the provider frame it provides one of the best sources of income and control over working hours, as well as being appealing to the resistant worker (Jeffrey 2006). Is there evidence of the sex worker providing a teaching role? Certainly many cultures, particularly Latin, used sex workers in sexual initiation of young men. There is recent data on the role of sex worker as educator (Sanders 2006), and there is at least implicit recognition of this by the German health care system which actively recruits from the ranks of sex workers for care providers.
Finally I would suggest looking at the frame of the disadvantaged. Demonstrations by the disabled last week in the UK against legislative attempts to rehabilitate sex workers revealed an inconvenient truth. Also this month a survey by the Danish Nurses Association showed that it was common for nurses to find sex workers for their disabled patients. This was examined more formally by Teela Sanders in a study of the disabled clients of sex workers (Sanders 2007).
Jeffrey and MacDonald: The economy of sex work in the Maritimes. Can Rev Soc Anthr 2006 (pdf)
Teela Sanders: Female sex workers as health educators. Soc Sci Med 2006 (pdf)
Teela Sanders: The politics of sexuality - commercial sex and disability. Disab Soc 2007 (abstract)
Good point, Michael. I mixed
Good point, Michael.
I mixed my apples and oranges. Things for clients/providers -- like reviews or blacklists can be seen as neccessary. Although providers DO have a say in whether or not they allow reviews and clients DO NOT have a say if they're on a blacklist! It's one of those decisions that go with the job.
But forced, full and open disclosure for the purposes of making society comfortable with sex work (or for research/governmental purposes) is a problem. There will always be some sex workers who are willing to open their lives and work to all, and those who won't. Referring back to Chris's statement, providers/clients who wish to keep their privacy ideally should be allowed to without worrying that it makes them look bad. All sex workers and their clients should not have to be an open book to make society at large feel okay about sex work. We don't need to know the minutae of every business in order to feel comfortable with, say, seeing a movie. Or visiting a lawyer.
His post is very provacative to me because of my own feelings about personal privacy. I don't like the idea that my preference for privacy makes a stronger case against sex work (though it probably does) simply because those opposed to it don't recognize my basic human right to decide what amount of personal disclosure is right for me.
XX
Oh yes!
"We don't need to know the minutae of every business in order to feel comfortable with, say, seeing a movie. Or visiting a lawyer."
I totally see where you're coming from now Amanda. No special rules or taxes for sex workers to prove they're worthy. Sex workers work and build a reputation for themselves like any other professional and from what I can tell, the concept of developing 'regulars' is common in nearly every element of the industry, and a benefit for increased safety.
I think sex workers who wish to should be able to provide privacy and confidentiality contracts the same way that therapists and lawyers do, with the same responsibilities to provide such a service. But I don't think any sex worker should be required to do so.
But it's definitely not okay to require us to expose ourselves just because the work involves sex. Which I still think is linked to the original thought of sex work is stigmatized *because* sex is stigmatized, so how can sex workers address that big, huge, giant problem that has existed for thousands of years?
What about mental health?
How many sex workers are really doing therapy? I would say quite a few of the over 30 crowd. God knows it's helped me.
Four years after seperating from my wife and partner of fifteen years I was a sexual wreck. My wife had me convinced that I was undeserving of love and media typecasting reinforced that. When I tried to date I was creating one train wreck after another due to my insecurity. In desperation for contact I started "seeing a pro."
It took several tries to find the right provider(s) but then I discovered something; escorts are people and are MORE appreciative of respectful treatement than civilians. So once I paid the gate fee if I spent a third of my time on the escorts comfort/pleasure I was usually very well rewarded.
Getting past the "drop my pants and yell go" mentality and establishing a sort of mini-date routine has been very rewarding and opened up conversation about what I can do right and what doesn't matter. As I was usually in large skin contact with a pretty girl at the time I was open to suggestions and less likely to balk. With escorts I can practice enjoying the date rather than hitting all the boxes on my checklist. I learn to enjoy the now of the situation and let the future and past go.
All in all I am finding my time with escorts more romantic and rewarding than attempting to date civilians. I don't have to bring a resume, financial prospectus or proof of home ownership and can just enjoy the company. This does not happen in the post-college dating world. I'm just a person who needs some skin time with another person. For an hour we can tell the world to go to hell.
So thanks ladies.
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